The most Brilliant Adventures of MJN Seas A fanfic by Arthur Shappey
by jenny starseed
Summary: Or Arthur writes Quest for Camelot self-insert fanfic. Correct that, it would be more accurate to say he wrote an MJN-insert fic. Beta-read by Martin Crieff


Once upon a time, there was a ship called MJN Seas. It owned by a brilliant and clever lady named Carolynne whom everyone called Mum. The ship was manned by the brilliant captain Martin Cream and his clever first officer co-ship steerer (the man behind the wheelie thing with the handles), Dugan Ifferson. And me! Arthur Milliner who was the stewardess, cook, court jester, mopper of spills and cheerer upper and fetcher-upper. Every day they fought sea monsters with swords, collected mermaid gold and collected curry powder from India to make chicken curry every night. Everything was brilliant.

That was until we picked up the Lady of the Lake, Griselda! Except we didn't know that was her name until much later. Anyway, Lady Griselda was beautiful. She had sea-green eyes that went sparkly in the sunset and a lovely long dress made of green silk and gold. The lovely lady Griselda was running away from the evil King Arthur who wasn't really evil because he was put under a special spell by the serpent spirit named Gridlock. Lady Griselda had to flee her castle to find the potion to cure her father, King Arthur (no relation to Arthur Milliner). (Are you going to keep saying this throughout the story?—MC) She knew that a brilliant vampire named Excalibur had a special powder that tingled in the moonlight. This special powder was one half of the potion that could cure King Arthur (no relation to Arthur Milliner).

Wait, I missed something. **_(Like how did Lady Griselda end up on MJN ship?—MC)_** Good question. Back up a bit. Lady Griselda was on the docks where all the ships came and went to their excellent and exciting adventures to discover pizza, Marco Polo shirts, noodles, chopsticks and gold teeth to bring back to King Arthur. She had so many ships to choose from but she picked Carolynne because Carolynne (mum) was very kind hearted even when she was shout-y and disliked passengers. But she really liked Lady Griselda because she had secret gold sewn into her pockets. So off we went on the great big sea.

Lady Griselda loved MJN Seas even though poor Gerti (that's the ship's name) was falling to pieces. She had lost bits of her nose (that pointy-end thing that goes forward in case you didn't know) and her sails were a patchwork of bits of shirts and trousers (but not pants because that would be unhigh-gene-ick) that were stained by sea monster blood that were slain by Dugan and Martin. The sea monster blood had protective energies that kept away many of their enemies. But it didn't keep away the enemies with the magic wands.

Lady Griselda slept in the cabin that was made of wood of holly that gave a lovely smell of medieval Pine-Sol. She slept and cried a lot because King Arthur was mean to her back in England. So mum decided that Arthur Milliner needed to stay with Lady every night to cheer her up. He would tell her jokes and she would laugh her sorrows away. Captain Cream thought it was a good idea to cheer up Griselda by showing her his compasses, maps and special bits of Gerti that made her float and steer properly. Dugan told brilliant jokes and showed her the many riches that MJN Sea collected. Riches that included super-spicy spicy spicy chilli powder that made your mouth go WOW!

But none of this made Lady Griselda happy. She was sad about King Arthur and she won't be happy until they go to a special Island in the Atlantic Ocean where the mysterious Excalibur lived. This secret Island was guarded by blue sea monsters that Dugan and Captain Cream were very good at fighting. And WOW! There were hundreds of sea monsters. So many, you couldn't fit them all on Gerti like you could with otters. These sea monsters were blue with shiny scales. Dugan was about to slit the throat of one of the sea monsters before Lady Griselda stopped him. Mum was really mad because she thought we were all going to die and Captain Cream looked a little sickly, but Lady Griselda was a brilliant lady who knew how to drive away the sea monsters without killing them.

She drew out a bright and shiny ball that was the size of a football and threw it towards the moon. She told them to fetch the sparkly football and lo and behold! They left the island and the surrounding sea. Finally, the ship parked itself on the sandy beach and Lady Griselda, Captain Cream, First steerer Dugan, Mum and Arthur (Milliner, not King Arthur) **_(Arthur, stop it with the parentheses—MC)_** walked into the tropical forest to find Excalibur's special castle. They walked for 1.5 weeks and at twenty-three o'clock (which is almost midnight but not really) before they found Excalibur's castle. The moon was big and reminded Dugan of a wheel of camembert **_(I don't think camembert existed in medieval Europe—MC)_ **wheel of white cheddar cheese **_(Oh I give up)_**

The door opened and then Excalibur was there!

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To be continued. Write reviews!

Beta notes

Arthur, have you've been eating sugar by the spoonful and having weird dreams again? —Douglas

Silly boy! What do you mean "write reviews"? You won't be publishing this on the internet, are you? Please change the name of MJN Seas. I would never smack my own boy with a lawsuit for unauthorized use of my brand, but don't think I won't come up with an equally painful punishment.—Carolyn

You need to check your SPAG. I'll give you my copy of Strunk and White since you've broken so many rules, I don't know where to begin. Your abuse of parentheses is alarming. May I also recommend Medieval Times for Dummies? I can bring it tomorrow if you like. On a positive note, Captain Cream is my favourite character.—Martin


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